1st in a series

Six L's of Caring and Coping

Learn as Much as You Can, as Quickly as You Can

By Dave Balch, Founder of The Patient/Partner Project

  Note:  Dave was caregiver for his wife during her
  successful nine-month battle with breast cancer; now he is
  on a full-time, personal mission to help other patients by
  helping their partners.  This series of articles outlines
  some of the tools and techniques that helped them get
  through their ordeal together.

When the breast cancer diagnosis first came down, we both
went into shock.  The first thing we were sure of was that
we weren't sure of anything, and that we had no idea what
was coming.  How serious was it?  Will she have to go
through chemotherapy?  Will she lose her breast?  How long
will all of this take?  What's next?  Is she going to die?
In retrospect, the "not knowing" was the most frightening
thing of all, so my advice as a caregiver is to take charge
and learn as much as you can about your situation; and do it
immediately.

I'll be the first one to say that that's a pretty scary
proposition, but the alternative (not knowing, that is) is
much worse.  Here's the thing to remember:  even if what you
learn is scary, it's less scary to know than not to know.

Do not delay; the longer you do, the more anxiety you will
suffer.

When I first learned how to ride a horse we were out on the
trail and we heard an approaching motorcycle.  My horse
became frightened and started shaking and dancing around;
needless to say I wasn't real happy about the situation
since it was my first ride!  Instinctively, I turned the
horse away from the noise thinking that would calm him.

Wrong.

The instructor yelled to me, "Face the danger!  Turn the
horse to face the danger!  NOW!"  As soon as I did, he saw
the motorcycle, realized what it was and that it was not a
threat, and stood there calmly watching as it passed us.

This is a good life lesson for us all, but especially those
of us who are facing a frightening diagnosis.  Face the
danger:  learn as much as you can about your situation and
it won't seem so scary.

As you wade through all of the available information, beware
of well-meaning friends and family:  they will give you
advice and tell you what is going to happen to you based on
their experience or that of someone they know.  Remember
that every situation is different, and what they say won't
necessarily apply to you.  There are a lot of variables such
as disease specifics, age, health and personality of
patient, financial/insurance restrictions, available
services, etc., so someone else's experience is not
necessarily relevant.  Be sure that you get your information
from credible sources, and that it applies to you and your
situation.
-------------------------
Dave Balch founded The Patient/Partner Project, which is
focused on helping other patients by helping their partners.
Visit www.ThePatientPartnerProject.org for Internet
resources and services for patients and partners, including
free online progress reporting for family and friends and a
free email mini-course of "Six L's of Caring and
Coping."  You can contact Dave at Dave@ThePPP.org or
toll-free at 1-8-MORAL SUPPORT (1-866-725-7877)
(c) 2004, Dave Balch.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.